Last week, I couldn't find the time or energy to even bother to post a weekly update. Even now, I am seriously late in getting this posted.
I feel as if I am seriously letting my fellow Slimmer this Summer Challengers down. Not only am I slacking in keeping up with my own goals, I am failing my fellow challengers by not being available to show support and encouragement.
For me, every day feels like a constant struggle to find time for myself. Time completely to myself. Without interruptions. It seems as if each time I sit down to journal my food, Grace is dragging me off to do something else. In recent weeks, she's been very grabby and demanding. She's constantly pulling and grabbing at my hands, trying to drag me here or there. It's frustrating. Each interruption, causes me to lose focus.
Feeling like a quitter and a failure is causing me to be depressed and anxious. Which then causes me to
On one hand, I feel that it is only fair to drop out of the challenge due to lack of motivation and will-power.
On the other hand, Joe took a picture of Grace on Saturday and I ended up in the photo as well. I am devastated by what I see in that photo. (I'm sorry, I'm not comfortable sharing the photo at this time.)
But is that devastation enough to keep me going in the challenge? I don't know.
Right now, I want to share some numbers with you. Numbers that will show you all my weight each week. My actual weight. Not the number I still wish to lose, but the actual starting weight. The current weight and also the weeks in between. Maybe seeing the numbers in print will help me make the decision on if I should continue with the challenge or just drop out (and try to continue to lose on my own).
The numbers below that are highlighted in red, show gains for those weeks:
- June 1st: 198.6 lbs.
- June 6th: 197.4 (official challenge start)
- June 12th: 193.4
- June 19th: 193
- June 26th: 190.6
- July 3rd: 191.4
- July 12th: 189.6
- July 18th: 191.4
- July 25th: 190
Somehow, this past week, I managed to see a 1.4 lb. loss. More than a pound! I really cannot believe it. I'm sure a gain will somehow find it's way to show itself week, even though I have a busy week planned. Busy weeks are usually bad for me. Since when I am busy I grab whatever is handy without considering if it's a good choice or not.
Please, I need your help in deciding what I should do. Continue (with minimal participation) or drop out completely?
As I finish this post, it's 1:00 am on Tuesday morning and I cannot keep my eyes open any longer.